Network Anarchy
by Czq'bqymc
Summary: Anarchy ensues when Miranda discovers a way to get around the school's blocking proxy.
1. Set Up for Disaster

**Network Anarchy**

**NOTE:** This story revolves around a couple of porn sites and contains TONS of technical terms. There is also some swearing, hilarity ensuing, and a tiny bit of scatology.  
**Set Up for Disaster**

Lizzie McGuire's school was a bastion of the Microsoft monopoly. Every computer had Windows XP and Office XP. The server system used Windows Server 2003 and Active Directory. Three of the library's five computers had Encarta, and everyone browsed the few websites that were not blocked by the proxy server (running ISA Server 2004) with Internet Explorer.  
This was Bill Gates' wet dream. But it was a nightmare for the school. Toolbars came from nowhere. Start pages would regularly be set to no-name "search engines" with porno pop-ups (which were blocked by the proxy). Re-installs were a common occurrence, as were obscene messages popping up via the "Messenger service". And yet, because the school's technology staff, headed by a tall, lanky guy by the name of Ron, kissed Bill's ass in blissful ignorance, very little was (or could be) done about it.  
Despite some of the strictest group policy settings seen outside of a high-security facility, Internet Explorer was the perfect springboard for hilarity to ensue. A nice little site existed on TEH INTARWEB, called "The Bypass", which had a single little ActiveX control in the middle of the canvas, inviting the user to click the "Open a Window" button, thereby opening, you guessed it, a window.  
This window was another Web browser, based on a part of Mozilla and using JavaScript buttons for navigation. The great thing about this browser was that it somehow got around both group policies and the blocking proxy, permitting the user to download anything he wanted, be it Firefox (besides Mozilla, the only non-IE browser that could communicate with the school's NTLM-enabled proxy), Atomic Tanks (a "tank wars" game), or anything else, including hardcore porn.  
The Bypass came into play during Miranda's Introduction to Business class, where she had to do some research on a company of her choosing. Unfortunately for her, she chose to research CEMCo, a division of which provided tons of fun little downloads (namely an award-winning BASIC interpreter and games that ran in it) that contained profanity, violence, and even some sexual activity. Needless to say, the site had been blocked by the overbearing blocking proxy, and Miranda needed the information today, since the paper was due the next day and she had no Internet connection at home since Larry Tudgeman and his friends came over that one night and ordered $212 in pay-per-view events and porn.  
Running out of options, Miranda did a Google search with the query "bypass the proxy server". The third result was a page called "The Bypass, a Goatse gaping hole". The mere mention of Goatse gave her a positive impression that left the two results above it (the first just leading to how to set up a CGI proxy) in the dust, and so she clicked on it, expecting that to be blocked.  
But the canvas went white, with no messages referring to the blocking proxy. Then the words "The Bypass -- a Goatse Gaping Hole" popped onto the screen, and two minutes later, the "Open a Window" button appeared. Once Miranda clicked this, a window containing what appeared to be a lame pseudo-browser popped up. She thought little of this window at first, but when she typed the address for CEMCo into the address bar and hit the Go button, it went straight through and let her collect the information she needed.  
After school, Miranda headed over to the Digital Bean to chat with her friends over a few smoothies.  
"I found this really cool site today called The Bypass," said Miranda. "It lets you go to any site you want at the school!"  
Gordo dismissed this, stating, "That's impossible! How can you get around that proxy server?"  
"I don't know, but it works! Honest!" replied Miranda.  
Gordo remained skeptical, having not been able to find a way around the blocking proxy through his own research, and skipping right over The Bypass, as it contained a Goatse reference and was therefore an evil site in his opinion. But he would soon discover this work of magic, the window to all that the Web had to offer.  



	2. The Invasion Begins

**The pr0n Invasion Begins**

The next day, Miranda arrived at school with her finished paper in hand, and Gordo couldn't wait to try the ultimate proxy bypass. The first part of the day went by as usual, a few boring classes and a pile of homework to add to the already-huge pile. But after three periods of this, it was lunch time, a time to grab something to eat and prepare for the next three periods.  
Today the cafeteria was serving tacos. These were okay tacos, not like the nasty tofu tacos the Darling family (and on one occasion, Gordo) had to deal with, and they were sufficiently filling, along with the Spanish rice, green beans, and pineapple chunks that were also being served.  
After he finished his little feast, Gordo headed over to the library and got on the rearmost computer on the table, just out of the librarian's sight inside the library office, and next to Dominic, a senior and Nemo's little brother. Gordo opened up The Bypass and was immediately interrupted by Dominic.  
"You found The Bypass?" asked Dominic.  
"I think so," said Gordo.  
"Great! Go to my site and under the Atari 2600 section, check out 'Custer's Revenge'!" Dominic handed Gordo a business card with the address of the site. "While you're at it, see if www.megaozone.xxx works!"  
Dominic watched as Gordo went to his site and to the Java emulator running Custer's Revenge, a game that "had it all", long before any of today's X-rated games (and perhaps some of their creators) were even conceived. After a little bit of "scoring", Gordo headed to the Mega O-Zone and when the page loaded up, he was floored.  
He had discovered the largest network of free porn in existence. Every single act and fetish was covered, even the hard-to-find ones, including at least three highly illegal categories that are left to you, the reader, to figure out. But Gordo was not interested in those acts of ultimate deviance, although he was a fan of hardcore bondage porn: whips, chains, and his favorite, girls with ball gags tied up on posts.  
Dominic, seeing a sight he had not expected to ever see, i.e. porn on a school computer, said to Gordo, "I never thought it was possible, really. There's a quarter-petabyte of porn available to you at this point, including videos, and every single bit of it is free for the taking! Where the hell do they get the money to run that monster?"  
Gordo, watching a movie involving a girl who looked a lot like Lizzie with a ball gag, simply replied, "I think it may be that Priscilla Fund that's always in the news anymore." The Priscilla Fund was a large money-making enterprise, perhaps in the electricity business, that could and usually did fund gigantic projects like the Mega O-Zone.  
"I always thought it didn't exist, that it was some brain fart from a tinfoil hat-wearing psycho. But since I stumbled upon this, I'm pretty sure it, or at least something like it, exists somewhere." Dominic left the library for the middle school conveniently connected to the high school, leaving Gordo to laugh as quietly as he could as the girl in the movie got spanked with a paddle covered in barbed wire.  
Dominic was an assistant at the middle school "media center", aka library. He helped middle-schoolers, which included Matt, find things online and in the library's collection of books and other items. With his newfound knowledge about The Bypass, he could now show the middle-schoolers how to find online resources that were blocked by the blocking proxy.  



	3. Last Measure

**Last Measure**

Meanwhile, Miranda was at her class, fooling around on the teacher's computer in the classroom before class started. Through The Bypass, she was browsing the GameFAQs boards with her (now extremely rare) LUEable account, and had come across a LUEicide, containing a plethora of LUEshis, a ton of porn links, the obligatory links to the LUE Trinity, and one odd little link to TinyURL, promising the mother lode of ROM's.  
When Miranda followed this link, pwnage and hilarity ensued.  
The TinyURL link led to a simple page with an ASCII representation of Goatse with the words "LAST MEASURE" in the gaping hole. Then, after that page sent the contents of the clipboard to whomever had set up this copy of the Last Measure, another page came up with a Goatse background, then a picture of a woman covered in poo appeared below a button marked "CLICK ME". Soon windows popped up containing the LUE Trinity and several other offensive pictures, and the site had a soundtrack of a guy saying "HEY EVERYBODY, I'M LOOKING AT GAY PORNO!", recorded loudly to the point of distortion, and repeating itself. Miranda freaked and ran like hell out of the classroom.  
The computer had been hooked up to the TV in the classroom, which was on and acting like the computer's monitor and speakers, except that the speakers on a 36-inch TV tended to be louder than most computer speakers. As a result, the "broken record" was clearly audible down the hall, and almost everyone took notice, including Ron the tech administrator, who planned to investigate, but then he got a call about the projector in the middle school cafetorium showing very hardcore porno.  
While Ron went off to check that situation out, the students in Miranda's class, except for Miranda, stood around the TV to see the Last Measure and all those windows bouncing around. They got to see pretty much every major shock site picture, including the Trinity, Lemonparty, and a parrot perched on some guy's "appendage". The teacher eventually came in, glanced at the TV, and fainted.  
Ron arrived at the middle school cafetorium to see Lizzie in the fetal position, crying and with a huge, wet bulge in the back of her pants. He looked up at the gigantic projection screen, which was showing an extremely nasty porno involving yogurt enemas and in-your-face "action", and immediately soiled himself. Then a middle school student came out of a closet with his pants down, hit a couple buttons on a podium to stop the porno and retract the screen, pulled up his pants, and ran to his class.  
With one teacher down and the tech admin having crapped his pants, the school seemed to have seen the worst of what The Bypass was capable of. But with a middle school science class doing research in the library, and Dominic assisting, the very worst was yet to come.  



	4. OMGWTFBBQ

**OMGWTFBBQ**

Matt was in the science class that was doing research in the library, looking for sites dealing with how one could make chicken breast more moist and tender so that he could do a science project based on how to make moist, tender chicken breast. Of course, that damned blocking proxy got in the way of this, and as he was walking around to see how everyone was doing, Dominic took notice and offered his "solution" in the form of a sticky note with the address of The Bypass.  
Matt thanked Dominic, and started up The Bypass. For a while, he looked up a few sites dealing in "moisturizing" chicken breast. Then he noticed an impression on the sticky note that read "www.megaozone.xxx" and said, "Ooh, porno!" Realizing that nothing was being declared off-limits by any censorware proxies, and having made sure that Dominic wasn't watching, Matt typed in the site's address and did a search... for one of the illegal subjects! Within seconds, he had found a rather "interesting" movie, and he put on the headphones that were in his cubicle so he could have a listen.  
The other students quietly did their research for a couple of minutes, while Dominic conversed with two other "media center" assistants, named Arnold and Mitch. Matt gradually became louder and more disruptive, and his chair was shaking. The students next to him appeared grossed out, and then a student on the verge of puking ran up to the chatting assistants.  
"Matt's playing with himself! Make him stop!" said the student, who grabbed the nearest wastebasket to throw up.  
"How Strangely Erotic," said Arnold.  
"Omigodwhatthefuckbarbeque!" yelled Mitch, as Dominic ran over to Matt's cubicle.  
Dominic had arrived to see Matt stroking his salami to illegal porn and said, "BANNED!" The principal, assistant principal, and the "media center" and technology staff came around to stare at this scene, and especially at Dominic, who could only say, "Dude, I'm gettin' a cell!"  
Gordo and Miranda were outside the school with the rest of their math class, estimating the height of the lampposts next to the sidewalk between the front of the high school and the parking lot, using only a protractor. One of the groups had their estimate and were heading to the teacher, when news vans from channels 3, 8, 16, 17, 22, and 28 arrived. The reporters and crew swarmed in front of the high school entrance while newspaper reporters started to come in droves.  
"What the fuck?!" exclaimed Gordo. "Why are all those news people here?"  
Miranda looked at the swarm and said, "This has got to be bad."  
The reporter for channel 8 started with, "We are on location at the Trinity Public Schools, where a middle-school student was caught watching a child porn movie on a library computer. This is the culmination of several previous events involving pornography in the school today." He paused for a second to listen in on his earpiece. "And-- and I have just received word that this school's computers, including those in the elementary school section, are being infected by a fast-moving worm that replaces the background with a series of disgusting images."  
Larry Tudgeman sat in front of one of the computers in the high school library, gaping at the Goatse hole, and then at Tubgirl's nacho cheese fountain. He had found a USB thumb drive taped under the bottom shelf of his locker, containing a file called "Free Porn at School!.exe". He ran the file, thinking it was some gateway to free porn. Unfortunately, it was an old version of Claryssa's infamous network worm that had infected the Digital Bean recently. And now the infection was spreading by the minute.  
In the principal's office, Dominic, Arnold, Mitch, Matt, their respective parents, and the "media center" and technology staff were in front of the principal's desk, with the clearly angry principal and vice-principal behind the desk.  
"Mr. and Mrs. McGuire, Fazenbaker, and Rhodes, and Ms. and Ms. Silvestre, thank you for coming," said the principal. "Your sons are involved in a very serious incident involving child pornography. Matt was, um, pleasuring himself, to a movie involving a 14-year-old girl, and Dominic allegedly provided him with a way to bypass our blocking software, which is in place for a very good reason."  
"You're quite right that there is a good reason to limit the types of sites available from the school network, but the blocking proxy is a tad overbearing," replied Dominic. "Matt here was looking for ways to moisturize chicken breast meat, and that ham-fisted proxy blocked sites that talked about it for having the word 'breast' in them. I provided Matt with a way to research those sites, and, well, he stumbled upon a very bad porn site. Damn spamdexing dipsticks fill Google up with garbage."  
The assistant principal handed Dominic the sticky note with The Bypass' address, and said, "This Post-It note contains the address of a large repository of free pornography, including several gigabytes of illegal content."  
Dominic, studying the sticky note, retorted, "This note only has the address for The Bypass-- oh, wait. Oh pointy birds! It does refer to the Mega O-Zone! That's an impression from another note I gave one of my friends yesterday when he complained about not being able to find much good free porn--"  
"Can it, Rhodes!" yelled the principal. "You're just as guilty as Matt is here. You gave him a tool to bypass security policies set by the school, and by having a little chat with your friends, you left him to his own devices, and he gained access to illegal materials! You have corrupted his little mind, and ruined him!"  
"Shut the fuck up," replied Dominic's father. "What Dominic did was wrong, indeed, but Matt is mostly responsible for this mess; he went to an obvious porn site, after all. You don't see sites about fluffy bunnies with .xxx domains, now do you?"  
Jo, Matt's mother, said, "That's irrelevant! Dominic should have watched Matt and made sure he didn't abuse this Bypass thing."  
"Fourteen-year-old girls? Matt's only 14, it's expected that he would be into that stuff," said Sam, Matt's father, who was immediately smacked by Jo after his statement.  
"I agree that this is a serious offense deserving serious punishment, but expelling these two and throwing them in jail or juvie is overkill," said Arnold's mother. "Suspension out of school and maybe a loss of some privileges sounds like a more appropriate punishment. These two have fairly clean records, after all."  
The principal glanced at his computer screen, and noticed that Pain4.jpg had become the desktop background. One of the tech staff handed him a wastebasket to puke in, and after he blew chunks into the can, he said, "I have just been shaken to the core by this piece of disgusting photo collage art that is on my computer. If you all accept three days in-school suspension and 30 days without Internet privileges right now, before I regain my composure, this will all be swept under the rug and no one will go to jail."  
Dominic and Matt accepted the relatively light punishment, as the vice principal directed the tech staff to destroy the evidence relating to the movie in the library. At the time, this was considered the biggest issue, but the big issue became that of the worm that had just jumped into a nearby town's school network.  



	5. Containment

**Containment**

The schools in Crisco County were all linked together in their own little WAN, with a small connection to the big expanse outside of the network. The WAN was used for videoconferencing, sharing information, and now, spreading one of a thousand of those damned Windows worms. By the end of the school day, almost every computer in every school in the county, except for South Haven, which patched their systems religiously, and Covert, which was still using Windows 98 and therefore amazingly immune to this particular worm, was displaying the Trinity and Pains, changing backdrops every 90 seconds.  
Indeed, the worm had pushed the incident in Trinity Middle School's library out of the spotlight, for this was directly -- and disgustingly -- affecting most of the other schools in the area. Many elementary school students, and a not-insignificant number of middle- and high-schoolers, would be having nightmares about the Pains, those two collages of the Trinity, mutilations, and infections. The Trinity by itself led to bathrooms and classrooms splattered with puke. Innocent little LCD and DLP projectors became weapons of mass nauseation.  
In one elementary school class, two kids were going to present their social studies project, done in FrontPage, with tons of IE-only animations and a neato VBScript that made the page "sparkle". They came up to the super-podium in the front of the classroom and put the screen down with the push of a button. The first thing the rest of the class saw on the screen was the Harlequin Fetus, with its cracked and bleeding armor plating, solid red eyeballs, and big red "smile". And when one of the kids fired up Internet Explorer, the home page revealed the suspension notice for the original Goatse site. Though the class had been spared from one of the atrocities, the crying and scared kids were proof that the Trinity had made its mark on their fragile eggshell minds.  
Since he had heard about it on the news, Reginald closely followed the spread of the worm through a hastily-developed site hosted by the Crisco County Intermediate School District. To see whether this worm was like the one he had removed from the Digital Bean's machines, Reginald read the CCISD's description of the worm twice, and then again. After the last reading, he was certain that Claryssa's Trinity-and-Pains worm had somehow gotten into the ISD's network.  
At the CCISD administrative offices, the three MCSE's, Quasimodo the hunchback, John Watson the PC Tech teacher, and a Ron Jeremy lookalike, examined a few of the infected computers in the student lab, and found out that by running a batch file called "asshat.bat", located in the root directory of the system drive, the worm would uninstall itself and leave another file in the root directory, the contents of which read: "Y helo thar! This file marks this machine as off-limits to the Goatse worm.".  
A solution had been found to the worm, but it would be a monstrous task, fortunately made simpler by an idea the trio had formulated: anyone who got onto a computer was to run the batch file.  
"OMG its the b3st3st 1d34 3v32!" ejaculated Quasimodo.  
"It's so simple, even an AOL user could do it!" said Watson.  
"(LUEshi)," said the Ron Jeremy lookalike.  
"(LUEshi), indeed," replied Watson. The trio soon left for the nearby Mexican restaurant for a victory feast, including plenty of tequila.  
At this time, Reginald was at Claryssa's apartment to talk about the recent infection. He was clearly not pleased, about like Limecat when they put the lime on his head.  
"So where did the dropper come from?" asked Reginald.  
"I don't know where the dropper came from," said Claryssa. "Maybe that dum-dum from the Digital Bean brought it in."  
"Didn't you have those thumb drives taped under the bottom shelf in your locker?"  
"I took those out after we graduated... except that one, but that was an 8-meg anyhow..."  
"And that one just happened to have the dropper on it."  
"I think it did have the dropper on it, and the names and addresses of every student of every school in the county."  
"Hopefully they don't find out that you grabbed those files in the first place."  
"It was their fault, they put those files where any nosy student could get to them."  
"ZOMG!!!"  
Meanwhile, having discovered the files on the forgotten thumb drive, Larry plugged an old phone into the other jack on his modem and disconnected from AOL so that he could make obscene phone calls to the houses where the middle-school girls lived. He eventually got to the principal's daughter's record, and when he dialed the phone number in, an answering machine picked up.  
The message consisted of an invitation for oral sex, and before Larry was through with his obscenity, the principal picked up and threatened to cut off Larry's legs, and then to kill him. All the while, Larry asked the principal if he would pleasure him. Needless to say, tomorrow was going to be an interesting day at school.


	6. It Hits The Fan

**The Defecation Hits the Rotary Oscillator**

Crisco County recovered from the Trinity worm with the help of the ISD's three MCSE's. Their plan worked as it did, and the worm was now relegated to the trashbin of history. But hilarity was still to ensue, for the principal of Trinity High had ordered a bag search so that he could really nab Larry Tudgeman.  
Once Larry came in, the principal came up to him and said, "I hope you enjoyed your little conversation, 'cause NOW--", and then, the principal started beating the crap out of Larry. The fathers of the other girls he had harassed joined in. Quickly, anarchy became the order of the day, and a full-fledged riot ensued. Chairs, books, and students flew through the air. Display cases and windows were smashed, and computers and projectors started to disappear. And all because Claryssa left the 8-megabyte thumb drive behind because she thought it was too small. Ecks Dee.  
Miranda was in the bathroom when a crazy senior came in and picked her up off the toilet, creating a nasty mess wherever he went. Gordo, Lizzie, Dominic, Arnold, and Mitch holed themselves up in the classroom where the Last Measure went off, and were safe and secure, away from the intensifying chaos that the rest of the school was in.  
Dominic got on the teacher's workstation, and discovered that someone was logged into GameFAQs. Thinking it was his lucky day, he attempted to enter LUE. To his amazement, he got in, greeted by topics about wangs and buttsekz, and whatever was on the minds of the few LUEsers that remained. So what did Dominic do? First of all, he called for the invasion of a number of sites, and soon joined the site that doesn't exist using that post.  
About thirty LUEsers spammed the sites Dominic talked about. And then it happened. A few fine folks headed over to some furry LiveJournals using open proxies and fake accounts to spew their filth, including the Trinity and Pains. Of course, furries tend to whine. A lot. They whined to the LiveJournal admins, who suspected that LUE had something to do with the obscene posts.  
CJayC received word of this, and then confronted LUE. This time, action was going to be taken. He had already raised the karma requirement, closed the board to new users, and privatized it; there was nothing else he could do. CJayC ultimately put LUE on double-secret probation. One more slip-up and board 402 would be nothing but a 404. To top off this excrement-frosted cake, just before the riot ended and the police came to rescue the group, Dominic posted LUEshi and got Miranda's account put in Purgatory for 60 days.  
The upside of all this was that school would not be in session for the rest of the month, while the devastation of the riot was cleaned up. Once the cleanup was completed, things returned to normal in the Trinity Public Schools. The Bypass was added to the list of blocked sites, and Internet Explorer was replaced by Firefox, which by itself reduced the tech department's workload. Other Microsoft products were eventually replaced, but that's a story for another day.

**-THE END-**


End file.
